I read a blog recently on Facebook that posted a list of adjectives that the author thought would be better alternatives to calling her daughter a Princess. Among other reasons the author states that she will no longer call her daughter princess because "princess is vague", but isn't the phrase "free spirited" vague? What is a princess? Isn't this really about definition? If you want to only use a Disney definition then you will assume that a princess is only looking for her prince charming, hiding from witches or singing and looking beautiful. As a mother of six grown daughters I can tell you that my experience with "princess" is that every princess is unique and diverse. And like all of us, have to go through a process of discovering who they are in this ever changing world.
Possibly someone had been watching too many Disney Princess shows and somehow came away with the notion that being a princess is neither empowering nor educational. This is one of the reasons that I made sure to watch shows with my children on the first viewing. That way I could counter or take the opportunity to show them how right or wrong a character is.
I get the point of this post. I agree that it is a good idea to also concentrate on reminding my daughters and granddaughters that they are smart, brave and creative. So let's consider those words in line with Princess.
Brave- Isn't there a Disney movie by this name? When I think of brave I think of my shy 4 year old on the first day of kinder garden. It was time for mommies to leave and I could see in her eyes that she didn't want me to go, but she held her emotion & ended up having a very fun time meeting new friends. I, on the other hand, cried all morning until I picked her up again. I have also seen her bravery when she made the decision to go back to college while working full time. School was never easy for her, yet she became the first person in our family to get her Associates Degree.
Determined- You have never seen determined until you witness it in a child who struggles to read. I cannot even begin to explain the overwhelming joy I felt when she came home from high school one day, proudly displaying test scores that proved she had jumped three grade levels in reading in just 6 months. Her determination has been evident over and over again as a mother in her own home.
Curious- What do you do when your child is afraid? You channel it. You show her that the way to overcome some of her fears can be through her curiosity. This was never more evident than when our sweet 5 year old was afraid of new things. We were going on a gondola ride up into the redwood forest. At first she was very resistant to the idea of traveling up in the air on what appeared scary to her. I was finally able to coax her past her anxiety, where she discovered a beautiful world she had never seen before. Then she didn't want to get off the ride. This has been a useful tool as she has found often that if she allowed her curiosity to outweigh her fear, she came out the winner.
Confident- Despite a mother who was trying to be over protective, this daughter came home and announced at age 15 & 1/2 that she had gotten a job at a grocery store. She did this all on her own. I wanted her to enjoy her high school years being free to do as she pleased. To her this freedom came in the form of a employment and a paycheck. This confidence has benefit her over the years to get not only good jobs, but better promotions.
Kind-hearted- Being kind-hearted helped this daughter to win over friends and enemies. In the first grade she would come home and tell me about how awful the teacher was to some of the other children. Turns out she was right. This teacher could be quite cruel to the kids in her class. But not our girl, she won her over with her kind heart. This ability helped her survive a difficult year. I was not yet confident enough as a mother to realize that I should have pulled her out and not have her subjected to witness that. But on the bright side, her kind heart has helped her in situations that would have crushed most of us.
Strong- Surely one of the hardest things to do as a parent would be to see your child in pain and have little ability to take it away. This daughter's strength has never ceased to amaze me. From comforting her through piercing ear pain from chronic infections and surgeries to holding her hand while she is wide awake during a procedure to insert a needle in her hip joint with medicine to try to help her walk, I have had too many opportunities to see her reserve of strength utilized. I quietly wondered a year after her third major hip surgery if she would ever really walk, only to witness her not only to succeed, but to walk without a noticeable limp.
A mother's job is to define the words, actions, people and experiences in her daughter's life. To show her children how to make sweet lemon pie out of sour lemons. It is a mother's job to show her children how to see the good in themselves and other people. The best blessing I received from raising my children, is that they helped and continue to help me grow.
So what about the word Princess? The definition is the female member of a royal family; a woman who is a ruler of a principality.
I will take the last one first. Isn't that what all this is about? Empowering girls and women to know their worth and to not be afraid to lead.
Lastly, when I call my daughters and granddaughters "Princess", I should also make sure to tell them WHY. Their Father... Heavenly Father is King. They come from royal blood, as do we all. He expects them to be virtuous and develop good character. A woman's intuition and power comes from Him, our Creator, Our Lord, Our King.
I don't want my daughters to ever forget that. So I will proudly call them Princess.
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