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Friday, March 21, 2014

I Will Proudly Call My Daughter Princess

I read a blog recently on Facebook that posted a list of adjectives that the author thought would be better alternatives to calling her daughter a Princess. Among other reasons the author states that she will no longer call her daughter princess  because "princess is vague", but isn't the phrase "free spirited" vague? What is a princess? Isn't this really about definition? If you want to only use a Disney definition then you will assume that a princess is only looking for her prince charming, hiding from witches or singing and looking beautiful. As a mother of six grown daughters I can tell you that my experience with "princess" is that every princess is unique and diverse. And like all of us, have to go through a process of discovering who they are in this ever changing world.

Possibly someone had been watching too many Disney Princess shows and somehow came away with the notion that being a princess is neither empowering nor educational. This is one of the reasons that I made sure to watch shows with my children on the first viewing. That way I could counter or take the opportunity to show them how right or wrong a character is.

I get the point of this post. I agree that it is a good idea to also concentrate on reminding my daughters  and granddaughters that they are smart, brave and creative.  So let's consider those words in line with Princess.

Brave- Isn't there a Disney movie by this name? When I think of brave I think of my shy 4 year old on the first day of kinder garden. It was time for mommies to leave and I could see in her eyes that she didn't want me to go, but she held her emotion & ended up having a very fun time meeting new friends.  I, on the other hand, cried all morning until I picked her up again. I have also seen her bravery when she made the decision to go back to college while working full time. School was never easy for her, yet she became the first person in our family to get her Associates Degree.

Determined- You have never seen determined until you witness it in a child who struggles to read. I cannot even begin to explain the overwhelming joy I felt when she came home from high school one day, proudly displaying  test scores that proved she had jumped three grade levels in reading in just 6 months. Her determination has been evident over and over again as a mother in her own home.

Curious- What do you do when your child is afraid? You channel it. You show her that the way to overcome some of her fears can be through her curiosity. This was never more evident than when our sweet 5 year old was afraid of new things. We were going on a gondola ride up into the redwood forest. At first she was very resistant to the idea of traveling up in the air on what appeared scary to her. I was finally able to coax her past her anxiety, where she discovered a beautiful world she had never seen before. Then she didn't want to get off the ride. This has been a useful tool as she has found often that if she allowed her curiosity to outweigh her fear, she came out the winner.

Confident- Despite a mother who was trying to be over protective, this daughter came home and announced at age 15 & 1/2 that she had gotten a job at a grocery store. She did this all on her own.  I wanted her to enjoy her high school years being free to do as she pleased. To her this freedom came in the form of a employment and a paycheck.  This confidence has benefit her over the years to get not only good jobs, but better promotions.

Kind-hearted- Being kind-hearted helped this daughter to win over friends and enemies. In the first grade she would come home and tell me about how awful the teacher was to some of the other children. Turns out she was right. This teacher could be quite cruel to the kids in her class. But not our girl, she won her over with her kind heart. This ability helped her survive a difficult year. I was not yet confident enough as a mother to realize that I should have pulled her out and not have her subjected to witness that. But on the bright side, her kind heart has helped her in situations that would have crushed most of us.

Strong- Surely one of the hardest things to do as a parent would be to see your child in pain and have little ability to take it away. This daughter's strength has never ceased to amaze me. From comforting her through piercing ear pain from chronic infections and surgeries to holding her hand while she is wide awake during a procedure to insert a needle in her hip joint with medicine to try to help her walk, I have had too many opportunities to see her reserve of strength utilized.  I quietly wondered a year after her third major hip surgery if she would ever really walk, only to witness her not only to succeed, but to walk without a noticeable limp.

A mother's job is to define the words, actions, people and experiences in her daughter's life.  To show her children how to make sweet lemon pie out of sour lemons. It is a mother's job to show her children how to see the good in themselves and other people. The best blessing I received from raising my children, is that they helped and continue to help me grow.

So what about the word Princess? The definition is the female member of a royal family; a woman who is a ruler of a principality.

I will take the last one first. Isn't that what all this is about? Empowering girls and women to know their worth and to not be afraid to lead.

Lastly, when I call my daughters and granddaughters "Princess", I should also make sure to tell them WHY. Their Father... Heavenly Father is King. They come from royal blood, as do we all. He expects them to be virtuous and develop good character. A woman's intuition and power comes from Him, our Creator, Our Lord, Our King.

I don't want my daughters to ever forget that. So I will proudly call them Princess.

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Finding Daily Joy & Daffodils

As I start this blog, I have had a zillion thoughts running through my mind... Family, faith, friends, raising a family, schooling children, cooking, scrap-booking, reading, empty nesting, decorating, medical issues & so much more!!! It is all swirling around and spiking at odd points in the day & middle of the night. What should this blog be about? It is time to quit procrastinating & dive in.

One night when I couldn't find a way to get comfortable & sleep, I started really considering this whole blog idea. I knew that I needed an outlet & a way to connect when I feel good & when I feel totally unconnected. I am part of an online group for those experiencing the effects of Cervical Spinal Stenosis. I realized as I read many of the posts & thought about so many other interactions with friends & family who suffer with chronic illness & pain or just the effects of living this life, that the one thing that is too often lost when we hit a wall, is the JOY in life. Suddenly everything is a burden & overwhelming. All the things that you not only should be doing, but also want to do are pushed to the wayside. Coping becomes the priority.

I am tired of only coping... I want to Find Joy Daily, Weekly, Monthly!

I want joy in my life. What? You didn't have ANY joy? Well, of course I did, but it is time to see things with new eyes. And my hope is that as I work to see the Light & share it with you, we can pay it forward.

Definition of Joy:   The emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires.


My question to you this week: When did you last feel Joy?  


To get you started let me share a Joy from my life. The last couple of weeks seemed to be day after day of "coping". I decide to walk out in the backyard even though the ground was wet & I was bare foot. I walked carefully so as not to slip & fall (one of my big fears) on the slippery slime growing on part of the cement side walk. As I rounded the house & stepped into the moist green grass, my eyes fell upon a couple of determined daffodils. I say determined because these daffodils were not planted here.

Many, many years ago when my sweet babies were young, we had a beautiful huge pine tree in our front yard. (Note: I am calling it a pine, I can not for the life of me remember what kind it was, but it was big.) I planted rows of daffodils around this tree. It was such a blessing every February when it was cold & dreary out, I could look out my front window & see these beautiful daffodils. A hope of Spring to come.

A few years ago we finally had to make the BIG decision to cut down this tree. The roots were well under the house & were starting to bring up the walkway & heading to the driveway. We knew it would cost us more money to wait, so sadly the tree came down. We had the stump ground down to mulch & moved the mulch to the side of our back yard. I unfortunately had not stopped to think about digging up the bulbs to save them & so I was sure that they had been ground up & were gone as well. But surprise! The next February when I looked out my bedroom window, there they were, the Determined Daffodils.

I have found my life much like these daffodils, there are times when I am cut up & bruised, but I am determined to bloom wherever I am planted, even if that place is only on my couch for now.

Find your joy this week.